Drunken Banana (Fool Proof, Drunk Proof, Easy Banana Muffins)

It starts at eight am, the phone calls, the emails, the issues, the drama. From eight am till five you are chained. Chained to a chair (which between you and me is not that comfortable), and doused with other people’s problems and lit on fire. It sucks. Day in and day out we continue this pattern. Issue after issue, crisis after crisis, and not one person likes it; not you, not the person on the other end of the phone and definitely not your boss. But we wake up each morning and do it anyway because we are crazy.

Anyways, ranting aside, we all hate work, that’s a given. But on the occasion we all like to do nice things for our coworkers, like bake them chocolate chip banana muffins for breakfast, to show them how much you appreciate them not literally lighting you on fire when you complain. But also on occasion you like to drink away a hard day at work, and three key lime pie martinis in you realize those muffins are not going to bake themselves.

 

Coworkers around the world, I have done you a favor. Drunk proof muffins!! *I think I am required by law to say that if you are under the influence take my ideas lightly, while it might be fun for me to make muffins and risk burning the house down, you might want to think twice about this idea.* After a few cocktails sprawled out on the chase lounge by the pool, those damn muffins still linger in the back of your head. Well have no fear, follow this recipe somewhat and your muffins will come out wonderful!

 Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins

These muffins are super simple to make and one of my house hold favorite. When the bananas go bad and the fruit flies start buzzing be sure to reach for this recipe and not waste those sweet, beautiful bananas.

Makes roughly 24 muffins

Ingredients:

1/2 Cup butter, softened

1/2 Cup sugar

1/2 Cup packed brown sugar

2 Eggs

1 – 1/2 Cups mashed ripe bananas (bout 3)

3 Teaspoons Vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

3 Teaspoons baking soda

1 bag of chocolate chips (or less, to taste really)

Directions:

1. In a stand mixer cream butter and sugars
2. Beat in eggs, bananas and vanilla.
3. Combine mixture until combined.
4. Stir in the chocolate chips
5. Fill greased or paper lined muffin cups half way
6. Bake at 350* for 15 to 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the middle of a muffin comes out clean.
7. Wait 5 minutes before removing from pan.

To the Future (Pink Champagne Cupcakes)

At 11,060 feet above sea level, looking over what felt like the entire world, I realized what it would take to make me happy.

Last week (February 12-19) Courtney and I left for Mammoth Lakes California to go snowboarding. Courtney, being the dread headed, nature loving, snowboarding “badass” that she is; used to live in Mammoth and frequently left me wondering what that part of the country was like. As an East Coast Jersey Girl, I don’t think I was ready.

The Top of the World, Or Mammoth mountain.

Growing up at sea level or below, I did not know what a real mountain looked like. Sure there are ski resorts around us, but I never realized that standing 800 feet above sea level just made you a tall hill. When I first learned to snowboard I went to Bromley Mountain in Vermont, standing 3,281 feet high that was the tallest thing I ever saw, but I never went to the top (so many regrets, but I think that saved me from breaking a few bones when I was just learning).

Mountains out of the desert, coming from the hot springs

Arriving in Mammoth On Wednesday February 12 was a life changing experience for me. Never in my life have I felt so small. These snow covered giants putrid from the dessert making you focus all of your attention on them, and what small bit of attention is left goes to the beauty of the nature around you. The dessert, so vast and so wide, makes you wonder how anyone found what wonders you see in front of you. The pine trees, whose height puts the Rockefeller Center tree to shame, towers over everything, and watches the sunrise with the mountains before everyone else each morning. When the mountain air reaches your nose you wonder why anyone would want to live in the city. The clean fresh air tickles your nose with the smell of Christmas pine and snow, bound to bring you back to those holiday candles you spent hours in the store picking out.

 

The first full day there we went snowboarding. I have to admit, this terrified me for months leading up to this trip. I am used to a hill, I trained on a hill, I practiced on a hill, and this was a mountain, literally a mountain. But soon my fear proved to be silly, the quality of the snow was unlike the icy east and I was easily able to descend the slopes with confidence and ease. Like my Vermont experience years before I never snowboarded down from the top, but I did go there. The world is in your eyesight, but lies just out of reach of your fingertips.

Lake Convict, California

I am born and raised a Jersey Girl. I have driven down route 195 going 90 miles an hour, windows down and music blasting, to reach the beach before the New York Bennys. I have laid in a drunken collapse in the sand with salt in my hair bullshitting about being famous one day. I have promised myself that I would never leave the Jersey lifestyle of not pumping our gas, giving the finger to those who look at us weird, and the beach that has put us on the map. I have promised myself I would never leave, until now.

Arriving at the airport and seeing the mountains for the first time

I have traveled before, I have been to small islands and major cities, I have been to different countries and different continents, however this is the first time I really felt small. There is so much out there to see. I want to travel the world. I want to work on a snow covered mountain top for a few seasons of my life and I want to be able to determine what makes each mountain range different. I want to see islands, and be able to jump off a boat when I feel like a swim with the dolphins is in order. I want to see the world, and what makes it so big. This vacation made me realize that while I am 100% happy sitting on a beach in Jersey drinking vodka out of a water bottle, there is so much more I have not seen.

All of this dreaming big does come with an anchor, my car lease. Okay, I admit, that sounds silly. I am giving myself until the end of my car lease or 33 months to save up money to make the first move of my life. I am aware that I will have to leave my cushy desk job and start over somewhere completely different, and this scares me, but there is so much the world contains that I have never seen.

So cheers to new beginnings to the rest of our lives.

Pink Champagne

Pink Champagne Cupcakes

Based off Betty Crocker’s Recipe  

Yields about 20

A guy at work asked me what is up with the alcoholic cupcakes lately. I have no idea. I cheated again using a box mix, sorry “home-made-to-the-death”ers. This cupcake comes out super light with a mild champagne flavor. I used Yellow Tails Pink Champagne, but you can substitute it with any kind, try different flavors for an interesting combination.

Ingredients

For the Cake:

1 Box White Cake Mix

1 1/4 Cups of champagne

1/3 Cups vegetable oil

3 Egg whites

Champagne Frosting:

**Before making see note below**

1/2 Cups butter or Margarine, room temp

4 Cups powdered sugar

1/4 Cup of Champagne

1 teaspoon Vanilla

Red Food Color to look

Directions:

Cake:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit, line cupcake pan with wrappers
2. Dump the packaged mix, champagne, Veggie oil and egg whites into a large bowl and mix until the lumps are gone.
3. Fill cupcake wrappers 3/4 of the way with batter.
4. Bake 17-20 minutes or until a knife inserted in the middle comes out clean.

Frosting:

1. Let the butter sit until soft or room temp.
2. Mix the Butter with a stand mixer, adding the powdered sugar one cup at a time.
3. Mix in the champagne and the vanilla. If the frosting is too thick add more champagne.
4. Mix in the food color until it get the pink color as desired

**Note** After mixing let this frosting sit in the fridge for at least 30 minutes to harden. The champagne makes this have a weird texture, but once refrigerated this loses the weird consistency.

 

Questions or Comments? Please email NotSoCulinaryGraduate@hotmail.com

Not so on-the-go, On-the-go Breakfast

Time check: thirty minutes to class. Eah, I’ll drive to the nearest convince store and get a coffee and something (probably loaded with calories) to munch on.  BETTER PLAN!!!! How about a not so on-the-go, but still kinda on-the-go breakfast? Its saves you money, you don’t have to go outside, and in a world where looks are everything, it saves you from putting on a few pounds.

Its easy to take snacks from your favorite convince store and turn them into a homemade treat made healthier  and made your way. Today I will be taking my favorite convince store, Wawa, and turning there chocolate banana cream smoothie into my breakfast on-the-go. Wawa’s chocolate banana smoothies are so good I will drive five miles out of the way, into center city, during a gang fight to get one, yeah there that good. But, MINES BETTER! I took Wawas concept, and added PEANUT BUTTER! This way my life is spared and I get what I want.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie:

what you need:

1 Blender (preferably cleaned out from your margaritas last night, but hey I’m not here to tell you how to live your life, just what to eat)

1 Cup of ice cubes

1/2 to 1 cup of Milk  of any kind (If you want a thicker smoothie only put 1/2 to 3/4 cup of milk in, if you want it less thick put 1 cup of milk)

1 Banana (Frozen or fresh)

1 tablespoon of Peanut Butter (Or more, whatever makes you happy)

1 tablespoon of Chocolate syrup ( if you love chocolate add 2 or 3) 

Directions:

1. Pour the ice and the milk into the blender

2. Blend the mixture on medium until most of the ice is crushed

3. Add in the banana, peanut butter, and chocolate syrup

4. Blend on medium speed until desired thickness

5. Pour in a glass and enjoy.

WARNINGS: Due to bad personal mistakes I feel as if I need to add these

1. Seriously, clean out your blender. Tequila may sound like a good idea at 8am, but it doesn’t taste so great with this smoothie.
2. Keep the lid on your blender, you do not want to clean up that mess (nor does your roommate).
3. Do not poke mixture with a knife, in the blender, while the blender is on. Actually, don’t poke anything with a knife, put the knife down and take a step back.

After drinking your smoothie, the day is yours. Feel free to run around and boast to all your friends that you made a kick ass not so on-the-go, on-the-go breakfast.